This week's Marriage Challenge is make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask your husband to prioritize them for you of what is important to him. For example - a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc.
So last night I took a few minutes and I wrote down my list of what I thought my top 5 priorities should be in my day. Here's what it looked like:
1. Happy hearts for our children
2. Clean House
3. Laundry
4. Dinner on the table(or close at least)
5. Self Improvement
I got a bit nervous(because I'd like to think I'm doing a pretty good job around here) and then swallowed it down and started talking to Kendall about it. Like I mentioned in a previous post, one thing I admire about Kendall is that he has always been supportive in everything I do. He's always supported me wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and feels its important as well. I knew he would have some interesting things to say. However, he started listing immediate things that needed to get done, like the harwood floors being refinished in the dining room. I knew I wasn't making my thoughts clear to him, so I said " here's a list of things I feel I should be spending my day doing, but I'd like a list of the things YOU think I should be spending my day doing. What's important to you about how I spend my day and what I get done?"
I was very surprised about his response. He said the one thing that matters most to him....wait....wait for it....is...Self Improvement. He said it would almost make him angry to think that I'm not doing something to better myself from one week to the next. His words to me were "be involved in something you want to do." His long term concern would be that when our children are grown I would be sitting around staring at walls or be miserable with nothing going on. He wants me to fill my day with what makes me happy and keeps me learning. WOW! Things like a class I might want to take, volunteering somewhere(I am going to be a crossing guard three afternoons a week this Fall!) etc.
So, we talked on this at length and I asked him if anything else I had on my list even fell on his radar. Did having a clean home matter to him? Was a hot meal even important? He said he appreciates those things and sees how important they are to me and also how hard I work at them. He said "having dinner on the table isn't as important to me as having all of us sit down together." aaaawwwwwww! Then he said "if we had a messy home because you were out volunteering all day, that would be fine with me." Now, I'm not taking that as my cue to let my house go to shambles in the name of outside service, but how amazing for him to even say that!
Kendall did have a #2 on his list. It was to have the children in bed at a decent time. During the school year this is pretty easy to do. I guess I've been a bit more lax about it during the summer. He said he'd like them in bed by 8:30 when we are home during the week, so he and I can spend time together. How sweet is he!
When was the last time you asked your husband what what was important to him about how YOU spent your time? Maybe you are obsessive about coupon clipping...does that really matter to him? Maybe you spend alot of time doing online surveys in the name of "earning" prizes or extra money...is that a priority for him to have you doing that? Maybe your husband feels staying healthy and in shape is a priority for you...have you asked him? *please read: I said healthy and in shape, not skinny or supermodel thin.*
I encourage you to make your list and then ask your husband to prioritize them and or make a list of his own. You'll be surprised what he says.
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